Broken
by Asher36
Summary: this is the sequel to a new life. you have to read new life to understand what's going on in this one. i don't know the storyline because i free write. please read review and enjoy :) not sure how to rate it so it's T just in case
1. Chapter 1

It's nearly been a month since what I have now dubbed as the "Incident". None of us talk about it, it's an unspoken rule. Renji and Rukia had officially been put in as the Soul Reapers in charge of Karakura town, although I knew they were here to keep an eye on me for "security reasons". Nobody was happy about that either. But it couldn't be helped. We couldn't argue with Soul Society's decisions. And the past couple weeks my emotions got the best of me and I had a few public outbursts that everyone knew about. I had more but those ones were the ones when I was by myself and never spoke a word about them. But more recently, I've started having nightmares that are about what happened in the Incident, but they kept changing. And I had a hard time sleeping. And I started having flashbacks at random times and I will find myself curled up in a ball. It happened once at school but I managed to keep it down to crumpling up a piece of paper and glaring down at my desk. I tried not to let Ichigo see I was suffering from this, and I kept him from seeing for the most part.

One night I was lying in bed, panting and shaking from my most recent nightmare. I just stared at the ceiling, no desire to go back to sleep. I would just sleep at lunch. Somehow I got away with it and not worry Ichigo, but I guess he just thought it was normal. I took in a shaky breath and then sat up, looking out the window. It was still dark outside, so I woke up at a ridiculous time. Again. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. This had to stop. I couldn't get away with sleeping at lunch much longer. I fell asleep during class a couple of times and Ichigo was starting to worry. I sat up and moved over to the window, staring outside. I looked up at the stars and the full moon, and my mind flashed back to the utter darkness to Hueco Mundo and I stumbled backwards away from the window, very nearly falling. I put a hand over my mouth and stood there until my heart stopped pounding, then I crawled back into bed. I acted like I was sleeping for the next few hours, and then before I knew it the alarm went off and I rolled over and shut it off, climbing out of bed and making it quickly. I then checked the date, and then realized it was Saturday. I sighed heavily and paced to the closet, changing into some jeans and a long sleeve shirt. It was winter and it was getting cold. It hasn't snowed yet, but I was sure it would soon.

Since it was only 6 I knew Ichigo wouldn't be up for several hours, so I donned a thick jacket, boots, and quietly went downstairs and out the door. I always went for morning walks on Saturday at this time. Only once did Ichigo wake up before I got back and called me. I was given a phone so anybody could get a hold of me if they needed to, in case for some reason I took off. Not like I would. But apparently, I had a fit and I did, though I didn't remember doing that.

I started towards the park, keeping an eye out for anything that could go wrong. There was nothing.

"Can't sleep?" There was a voice behind me and I jumped.

I whirled around. It was Rukia in her gigai which explained why I couldn't sense her. But I thought she knew better than to scare me. That has sent me into a fit and then I wouldn't come out of my room for several hours.

"Rukia." I huffed. "You scared me."

"Oh. Sorry." She frowned and approached me. "Where are you going?"

"Just to the park." I shrugged, and turned and started walking again. "It's totally harmless."

"Did you tell anybody?"

"Nobody's awake, so no." I sighed. "And if anyone notices I'm not there, they'll call."

She seemed frustrated. "You could have left a note."

"It's not a big deal. I'm fine. I do this every Saturday." Oops. She didn't know about that.

"Every Saturday? You go out alone?" She growled.

"Yeah, but I only ever go to the local park." I hissed. "It's not a big deal."

"That can still be dangerous." She sounded upset. "Does Ichigo know?"

"He knows about one time. He doesn't know I do it every Saturday because I always come back before he wakes up."

Rukia lapsed into silence and I glanced at her, then stopped walking. She looked at me confusedly.

"Are you going to tell him?" I asked.

"If you don't, I will." She said. "We don't want to have a repeat. Disappearing without telling anyone can give us reason to think you've disappeared."

"That's why I have a cell phone." I hissed at her.

"But what if one day you don't answer? Or if the battery is dead?" She scowled.

I stared at my feet. I never really thought about that. But I charged my phone every night and always left the ringer on, except for at school. But what if one day I did forget to do that? I turned around to head back to the house. Rukia was right, this was a stupid idea. I kept my face carefully blank as I walked back, wondering why Rukia didn't say anything else. But it didn't matter.

I stopped outside the house when we reached it and turned to face her. "So are you going to tell him?"  
>She blinked. "If you don't."<p>

"I'll tell him. In time. Because if I tell him about that then I have to explain other things. Please don't tell him." I begged.

She missed my slip up. Good. "I won't." She sighed.

I exhaled in relief. "Thank you."

I went back inside and hurried upstairs quietly and into my room, switched on my lamp and sat at my desk and started drawing. It was the same thing I always drew, but threw away so Ichigo wouldn't see them. After I tore them to tiny pieces so it wouldn't get pulled out of the trash can. I sketched out a rough sketch of Ulquiorra, then next to him, one of myself that I saw inside my head, Yoso showed it to me. I sketched the hole in my chest so it looked like the drawing itself had a legitimate hole in it. Once I finished, and it took an hour because I spent so much effort on the details. And then, noting the time, I went ahead and just tore it up and threw it away.

I just sat at the desk and stared at the wall for several hours, thinking about nothing, until I noticed it was already 9:30. I knew breakfast would be ready soon. I stood up, stretched because I was stiff from sitting in that one spot forever. I rubbed my face and prepared to fake a smile. Eventually Ichigo would start asking questions, but I had to fake it for his family at least. I had a sinking feeling that I couldn't fool him for much longer. I shook myself out, and then was about ready to walk out of the room, then my door opened and a somewhat real smile appeared on my face. It was Ichigo.

He had obviously just woken up. His hair was a mess, and he was still in his pajamas and he really didn't look very awake.

"Breakfast is ready." He said tiredly.

"Okay." I said nothing else as he left the room.

I waited for a few minutes and then headed downstairs. Ichigo was always a grump in the mornings, so I typically tried to avoid him if I could. He did have his rare mornings where he was actually relatively happier, but Saturday mornings were always the same and it was somewhat amusing to me. I just shook my head at the thought and sat down next to him at the breakfast table. And he was scowling at his dad, who apparently already ate and was getting ready to go somewhere. Ichigo's sisters were eating silently, and Ichigo continued scowling at his dad. I started eating slowly, focusing more on my plate than on Ichigo. As long as I did that, I could collect myself and shove my emotions deep into the very pits of myself.

After I finished I stood up to put my plate in the sink but Ichigo took it and went into the kitchen with his plate as well without a word. I watched him come back out and go upstairs without a word to me. That was weird. That was definitely not like him. I frowned at his weird behavior, then shrugged, putting it off on his exhaustion. Whatever. I got up, thanked Yuzu for breakfast, and went upstairs and waited for Ichigo in his room while he was in the shower. I just sat on the edge of his bed, I wanted to know what had him in such a sour mood this morning.

I only had to wait for a few minutes and luckily he had gotten dressed right after he had showered. He threw his towel into the corner of the room and shut the door.

"Hey." He said, his face blank. What was going on with him this morning?

"Hey. You feeling alright?" I asked him as he sat on the bed next to me.

"Didn't sleep well. First night in a while I had a rough night like last night." He sighed and yawned. "But it's all well now, so I shouldn't be letting it bother me."

There was something he wasn't telling me but I wasn't going to pressure him into telling me, since I was keeping so much from him. He sighed and stood up, looking a bit agitated now.

"I need to go talk to Urahara. It's a private thing. Um." He bit his lip and looked at me. "I'll have my phone if you need me…"

I got to my feet. "It's fine, just go. I was just going to go for a walk anyways."

"Where to?" I could see his protectiveness starting to surface.

"Just to the park. And I always have my phone on." I could tell he still wasn't consoled.

"I'll walk you over there." He said and I knew there was no arguing with him. "Are you going to stay there all day?"

"Just until you get done talking to Urahara. I need to get out of the house." I felt like my chest was starting to constrict. I knew I would have a panic attack if I didn't get out of the house.

"Alright." He sighed.

"I just need my coat." I got up and left the room.

I grabbed my coat, trying not to fall apart at Ichigo's strange behavior. Whatever he had to talk to Urahara about is probably what he was keeping from me. I sighed and pulled my coat on and zipped it up, took a deep breath and walked out of the room, going straight downstairs and out the door, waiting for Ichigo out front. I was getting impatient, I just wanted to get to the park and away from everything for a while. Ichigo finally came downstairs and we walked out, I had my arms crossed. We rarely held hands anymore when we went out. I didn't understand why, but I didn't bother to ask. I didn't want to know the answer.

After we reached the park we stood there in silence for a few moments. Ichigo looked like he wanted to say something, but thought the better of it and walked away with his hands in his pockets. I watched him, then wandered over to the swings and just sat there silently.

I really wished I knew what was going on with Ichigo.


	2. Chapter 2

I swung there in silence, not disturbed by anybody. It was too cold to be out and about, and too early, but I didn't care. I felt a lot better sitting outside, my chest felt less painful. I kept swinging and let my eyes slowly close, retreating into my inner world which I figured out I could do in my body several weeks ago.

_Yoso sat on a rock next to the river. It was overcast, about to rain. It was rarely sunny here anymore, but at least it wasn't crumbling or anything. The hollow version of myself had hid herself and I hadn't seen her since the incident. I knew she was still alive, I could sense her. She just never made her presence known._

_ I huffed and approached Yoso. She seemed to be deliberately ignoring me at first, watching the fish swim about in the water. I sat next to her in silence, waiting for her to say something. But she didn't, so I knew I had to start this conversation this time. I looked up at her and sighed._

_ "She still doesn't talk to you does she?" I asked._

_ "No. She's stayed well hidden from me." Yoso looked at me, the loneliness clear on her face. "Granted, she wasn't always the best company, but she was company nonetheless." She shifted uncomfortably on her rock, fidgeting slightly. "I sense her anguish, and her fear. Like she's afraid we'll meld together again."_

_ "I see." I sighed and blinked. "Ichigo is hiding something from me, do you have any ideas what it could be?"_

_ "They never gave us the full detail on the medicine. And he's going to talk to Urahara. What do you think this could mean? You need more medicine? I don't know. But whatever it is Ichigo and Zangetsu are worried about it. I could sense it off of them both." Yoso rubbed her temples. "Let's just hope they tell us soon. I also have a bad feeling that the hollow has it figured out but doesn't want us to know." Yoso again shrugged. _

I sighed and opened my eyes, coming out of my inner world. It was useless, I would have to wait until Ichigo was comfortable enough to tell me what was going on. I kept swinging, staying silent and staring at the ground. That's when I noticed a tall, dark haired figure coming towards my direction. I went tense and stopped swinging, staring as the figure got closer and closer. I continued watching, and as the figure got closer, I noticed he was really lanky, tall, had dark almost black eyes, and black hair, and wore all black clothes.

"Who are you?" It come out harsher than I intended.

"My name is Justin." He rose his hands in surrender. "I don't mean you any harm."

I knew there was something off about him. My eyes narrowed. "What do you want?"

"You are Saru?"

I got off the swing. "How do you know me?"

"That's not important." He said, and then doubled over because I kicked him hard in the gut.

"Tell me how you know me."

He just coughed and huffed, eventually straightening back up. "I really can't tell you."

I scowled. "Then you can leave me alone."

"I can't do that." There was something in his eyes…something sinister.

"Why not?" I snapped.

"You will see soon enough." And with that the guy disappeared. I frowned in confusion. I didn't understand his words. I sat back down on the swing, and then my phone buzzed so I pulled it out and answered it.

"Hey." I said.

"Hey, I'm going to come get you and we're going to go to Orihime's." It was Ichigo.

"Um okay."

"She invited us over for breakfast, brunch, whatever you want to call it." His voice sounded a little lighter, but it sounded kinda forced.

"Alright. I'll see you in a few."

"Alright." He hung up and I stuck my phone back in my pocket.

Ichigo sounded better, but he sounded a little off and I didn't understand it. But I shook that off and also pushed the weird encounter to the back of my mind. Ichigo already had enough on his plate, he didn't need to be stressed out with anything else. I kept swinging until I felt his reitsu nearby, then I slowly swung to a stop. When I saw his face, it seemed to be carefully composed, his eyes were unreadable. I let my eyes drop to the ground for a few seconds to compose myself, then I got off the swing and met up with him before he reached the swings. I pushed the encounted with the weird guy to the back of my mind. He didn't need any more stress.

"Hey." I smiled at him, it was fake and forced but I figured it was good enough. "Did you get whatever answers you were looking for?"

"Yes. And we have to talk about that once we get to Orihime's…." He trailed off and suddenly pulled me into him and kissed me. Hard. I was surprised but I kissed him back. This was a tense, almost frantic kiss, almost like he was saying goodbye. I didn't like that. Then after a moment he pulled away and we walked to Orihime's, his arm around my shoulder and my arm around his waist. This was honestly really strange. His behavior was not at all like him. It scared me. The news he got must have been bad for him to be acting so weird.

"Just a heads up Urahara is going to be here too. He's better at explaining things than I am." His voice was tense. "Just know that everything is going to be okay. Somehow."

My heart dropped into my stomach. "It's bad. It's bad isn't it?"

He didn't answer which was my answer.

I started to shake. His arm tightened on my shoulders. We continued to walk to Orihime's. Once we reached the front door, he kissed me again, it was just as frantic and panicky as the last one which scared me even more. Then he rested his forehead against mine.

"It's going to be alright. We'll get this sorted out." He moved his arm off my shoulders and took my hand and he knocked on her front door. The door opened and Orihime stepped to the side so we could enter. I had a death grip on Ichigo's hand as we sat against the wall, facing Urahara who was standing in the center of the room. He was talking quietly to Chad, who was standing next to him. I was starting to shake harder and my grip on his hand grew tighter. This wasn't any brunch or whatever Ichigo had told me. This was a meeting in regards to me. Or so I guessed. Ichigo let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me into his side.

"Okay, so there's a problem. One that I could foresee coming up, but one that I'd hoped never would. But it has." Urahara sighed. "Saru, Soul Society can't provide me with anymore of your medicine and I've been monitoring your reiatsu. You've become immune to it anyway."

"So what does that mean?" I asked, my voice shaky.

"It means there's a good chance you could still become an Arrancar. Whatever that injection was that Ulquiorra gave to you, it still hasn't left your system. I have no idea why. The medicine should have ejected it and it hasn't." He paused for a moment, gauging my reaction. I was frozen. "And Soul Society is going to want to know how you're doing and I have nothing to tell them. So I'm trying to think of a third solution one that doesn't—"

"What?" I interrupted. "What are my other two options then?"

"You're not going to like them." He sighed. "One is to send you away to Soul Society so they can run tests and find a solution that way. You would be gone for a really really long time and you would have to go alone."

Ice ran through my veins. "What's the other one?"

Ichigo suddenly got extremely tense next to me and I looked at his face and he had flinched. I looked back at Urahara.

"Your other option is to forget everything. Have your mind wiped, and put you in a coma, and send you to the States to live with a foster family. But when I say forget everything I literally mean everything. Including Ichigo."

I couldn't find the words to respond. I just stared at him, my breathing hitching.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/n: I apologize for the lack of posts. I'd lost my thumbdrives a while back and just recently found them so hopefully this story and my other ones will have updates coming more consistently. I probably should have put this on the last chapter but I forgot about even making a note until I started this one. Anyway, I'm rambling! Enjoy!**

I could feel my throat closing slightly and tears were starting to form in my eyes.

"I need some air." I wriggled free from Ichigo and practically ran out the door. I could hardly breathe. I wasn't going to make it very far. I stumbled and fell in my attempt to get away, and I fell and scraped up my hands on the sidewalk. I hadn't gotten far from Orihime's apartment at all. I couldn't control the sobs anymore. I just sat there, staring at the ground and sobbed. I barely even noticed when Ichigo came to my side and sat next to me, waiting. Eventually the sobs quieted down and I was just shaking now. I had a feeling I was going to have new nightmares. Great.

"I'm sorry." He said. "I didn't like those options either. But I just don't know what to do. I don't want you to become…but I don't want to lose you either."

I just nodded my head slowly. "We'll find another way. There's no way I'm choosing either one of those options. And now I think I'm going to have new nightmares."

"Nightmares?" Oops. Ichigo didn't know about those. "Have you been having nightmares?"

"Yes. Ever since we got home from the….yeah. They wake me up every single night. I have flashbacks too, but I'm usually able to contain those in my room. And now I'm probably going to have new nightmares."

"Saru, why didn't you tell me about those?" He sounded angry but concerned at the same time and I looked at him. "I want to help you."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to tell you. It's hard for me to feel so weak and pathetic." I dropped my head into my hands.

"You've been through more than anyone ever needs to go through. You have the right to be the way you are. I'll help you, because I want to see you get better, tough as it might be." He put his arms around me.

"I should have told you sooner. I really should have."

"I know now. It's okay. Sometimes the timing just isn't right."

We eventually got to our feet and began walking. At some point we ended up running into Renji and Rukia. I buried my face into Ichigo's face when we saw them, I didn't want them seeing how much I was falling apart. Ichigo quietly explained what happened, then harshly added. "You cannot tell anyone in Soul Society about this you understand?"

"Of course." Rukia sounded taken aback by Ichigo's tone. "It's not like we'll be going back there anytime soon anyway."

"Geez, Kurosaki show us a little trust." Renji snapped at him. "It's not like we haven't gone through all this with you or anything." He added sarcastically.

"I know." Ichigo just sounded tired. "I just don't want her to get taken against her will."

"We'll find a solution Ichigo. Not one that either of you will have to suffer. We will find an alternate option." Rukia sounded so sure.

"I'm sure we will."

I finally looked at them. Neither of them were looking at me and I was grateful for that. I didn't want to get any pitiful looks or whatever.

"He said he she possibly could turn. He didn't say it was for sure." Renji noted.

"Yeah, well it's still a risk and that scares me."

"We're a team." Rukia said and Renji made a face at that but she ignored him. "We will help the both of you."

"I know and you know how much I appreciate with that." His arm tightened around me slightly. "For now we'll just keep an eye on things and just try to go about as if things are completely normal."

Renji made another face but didn't comment on that either. Rukia nudged Renji in the ribs. "We gotta go but we'll meet up again soon." They took off without another word after that. We started walking again, we were heading home.

We were both silent as we walked. I had nothing to say. I knew we were going to have to take this through, because I had a feeling Ichigo would want to do the option that was best for me, even if it absolutely hurt him and he lost me, as much as he didn't want it. But I wasn't going to have it if he did try to talk me into one of the options. The first one was the better of the two, but I still didn't want to do it.

We got to his house and as we walked in the door, his dad looked at us questioningly but Ichigo just shook his head and said. "Later, Dad okay?"

We then headed up to his room and I sat on his bed as he shut his door and locked it. He came and sat by me. We sat cross legged on his bed facing each other. This conversation had to happen as much as I didn't want it to.

"You know…" He didn't meet my eyes. "I can't help but think that sending you to Soul Society might be the best idea. Get you help."

"You told them we would find another option." I growled at him.

"I know. But if we can't find one I'm just saying that Soul Society—"

"Stop right there." I snapped, cutting him off. "You can't even come with me. You promised me you'd help and sending me to Soul Society wouldn't be helping. You can't come with me and I have no idea when we'd see each other again."

"I know." He looked miserable when he finally looked at me. "But if it's the best help I can get you…"

"So you want me to go away?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"No that's not what I meant at all!" He looked surprised. "You know I want what's best for you and if I lost you to that thing that Ulquiorra tried to make you I don't know what I'd do. I want to fix this. I want to prevent anything from happening to you ever. But I can't and we don't know what could happen. And that freaks me out."

"But we'll get through this together, Ichigo. That's what being…"I stumbled over the words so I just changed the wording. "Us means. We go through thick and thin together and not just jump to an answer because it's the easiest and less painful road to go. Sometimes it's the hard roads and the painful paths that are the best ones." I was glaring at him because the other option was breaking down and crying and I was sick of crying.

"Saru." He started but I finally just leaned forward and put my hand over his mouth.

"No. Don't argue with me. I've made my decision. Now do you want to do this together or not?" I growled.

He grabbed my hand and lowered it. "Yes, Saru I want to do this together."

"Then this discussion is over." I withdrew my hand.

He got a pained look on his face and he sighed. "Alright, fine."

"Now, let's see if we could go out to lunch or something with Orihime and Chad." I suggested. "Get our minds off of everything right?"

He still looked miserable. "Okay."

I got off his bed and walked to the door. I turned to look at him and he hadn't gotten off his bed. I frowned at him. He just fidgeted around with his phone. "Go ahead downstairs. I'll meet you down there in a minute."

I sighed and left the room and hurried down the stairs and out the door to avoid any questions from his dad. Then I saw that guy again. The one from the park. I went rigid and my hands clenched into fists. He approached me and I took several steps back.

"What are you doing here?" I snarled at him.

"I told you I can't leave you alone." He said in a quiet voice.

"Oh yes, you are." And I lunged at him, slamming him down into the pavement. I hit him in the face once before he kicked me off, grabbed me by my hair and dragged me away from the clinic and threw me into a tree, which knocked the wind out of me. I laid on the ground, struggling to breathe. He got me up to my feet.

"It's only a matter of time now." He spat in my face. "And you'll belong to me." I hit him in the face again, getting a satisfying crack from his noise. He growled in annoyance and punched me in the face, getting me right in the eye and threw me into the tree again.

"You don't get it. You'll want to be with me. You'll want to be on my side. You'll want _him _dead." He hissed in my ear.

"Go…away…" I couldn't get my breath back.

He hissed and wrenched back. "Your boyfriend heard the commotion. I will be back for you." He slammed me into the tree one final time before disappearing. I couldn't get any air in or out of my lungs. Ichigo came running over to me, looking panicked.

"What happened?" He helped me sit up.

I was still trying to get air into my lungs. It wasn't working very well. Ichigo seemed hesitant to do anything, and then he looked at my eye and scowled. "You're going to have a pretty good black eye."

I finally got air into my lungs. "I have no idea what that guy wants with me. But he kept saying that I would belong to him soon enough…" I shake my head. "I don't want to think about it right now. I just want to go get lunch, have some normalcy for once."

Ichigo's lips pressed together and he looked like he was considering something for a minute. "Alright. We're meeting back at Orihime's. If you want normalcy you're going to have to lie about how you got the black eye."

"I tripped and hit my head on a rock on the way over." I shrugged. "Easy enough."

Ichigo snorted. "That works."

I laughed. It was short, but it was a laugh regardless. It felt good to laugh. The tension that was in the air lifted and it felt a lot better as we walked to Orihime's. We were still silent, but our hands were linked and we were just enjoying each other's company. It was nice. I pressed all my current worries to the back of my mind. We reached Orihime's before I knew it. He knocked on her front door. She threw the front door open and smiled brightly and let us in, then saw my eye.

"Saru! What happened?" She instantly became concerned.

"I tripped and fell on a rock on the way over." I said. "No big deal."

"Do you need ice? I'll go get some. Maybe we should just order some pizza…" Her thoughts seemed to be pretty chaotic as she ran into her kitchen. Chad was standing against the living room wall, and he stayed silent. Ichigo and I plopped down on the couch and Orihime came hurrying out with an ice pack. She handed it to me and I put it to my eye and winced, it was tender. She asked us what we like on pizza and I just said pepperoni which ended up being the general vote so she left the room to go order the pizza. I used one hand to keep the ice pack on my eye and leaned my head on Ichigo's shoulder. It was all silent for a few moments, then Orihime came back into the room.

"Pizza should be here in twenty minutes or it's free. Supposedly." She shrugged.

"I wouldn't pay for a pizza if they made me wait longer than twenty minutes. That's just me. But then again…I almost never eat pizza." I snorted.

Ichigo snorted at me. "Course you wouldn't."

I just rolled my eyes. Then a horrible feeling came crashing down over me, which I immediately suppressed before Ichigo could notice. I just didn't trust this lightness to last and I was dreading what could be the next thing to disrupt it. I shoved all those negative thoughts aside, they weren't doing me any good anyways. They were just hurting me. I looked up at Ichigo and realized for the first time all day he looked _happy_. Like there was nothing wrong in the world. I rested my head on his shoulder again and kept the ice pressed against my eye. It was numbing the pain, though it made the rest of my face rather cold. But if it could keep it from looking horrible, then I didn't have much of a problem with it.

After a few minutes there was a knock at the door, and Orihime rushed to answer it. It was the pizza guy, so unfortunately the pizza didn't end up being free, and I felt guilty when Orihime had to pay for it because the rest of us didn't have any money. Ichigo fidgeted uncomfortably when Orihime paid for the entire thing, it seemed to really bug him. I eventually just dropped the ice pack to the side and sat properly up so I could elbow Ichigo in the ribs so he'd quit being so fidgety.

"Hey." He rubbed where I elbowed him. "What was that for?"

"Just sit still. You could always pay her back later." I jabbed him in the ribs again. He just scooted out of my range and I snorted.

Orihime skipped back into the room and placed the box on the center of the table in the middle of the room. "Lunch is served!"

We all scooted onto the floor to eat. I kept taking jabs at Ichigo and he got irritated enough that he moved to the other side of the table, switching spots with Orihime. I just laughed at the expression he gave me and took a bite out of the slice of pizza I was currently eating, ignoring the nagging feeling that we were being watched, which I didn't like. But I figured I was just being paranoid anyways.

"So where were you walking that you tripped and fell on a rock?" Orihime looked at me.

"We were running. I was chasing her and she tripped and fell, I didn't really know what had happened until I caught up to her." The lie flowed effortlessly through Ichigo's lips.

I couldn't see all that well out of my eye now that it had begun to swell up a little, but thanks to the ice pack, it kept it from swelling up too much. But it throbbed, regardless of having the ice on it. And then a strange sensation came over me which I couldn't identify right away. But then when I realized what it was, my whole body went ice cold.

Justin was here.


	4. Chapter 4

I very slowly rose to my feet and started for the bathroom, and said because I could feel three pairs of eyes burning into my back. "I've got a bit of a stomach ache. I'll be in the bathroom for a while." And with that I slipped into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I wasn't sure if this plan would work, and even if it did how long I would have before Ichigo would figure it out. I listened to Yoso as she quietly explained what I needed to do, she wanted to help me sneak out. I was able to force myself out of my body, and carefully lie it on the floor, infusing some of my reiatsu into it so I'd have time to get away before anyone could notice I was gone.

Then I shut my eyes, imagined the wall wasn't there, and stepped right through, and I was outside. I shot off into a random direction, knowing full well Justin would follow me. I just had to get him as far away from Orihime's as I could first. As I got to the hillside on the outskirts of town, he caught up to me, tackling me into the grass. I went face first and I cursed to myself, knowing it would make my black eye worse. I jerked my head back and I knew I did something because I heard a curse and the weight on my back was gone. I flipped over and got to my feet, hardly able to see out of my injured eye, but I had to make due with that.

"You're not coming willingly." His voice was flat, he was stating a fact.

"Of course I'm not." I spat at him. "I have a lot here. I'd have nothing if I went with you."

"Of course not." He growled and pulled his zanpakuto. "Come then."

I ripped Yoso free and charged him, slamming my blade into his. His eyes widened a bit in shock when I managed to shove him backwards a few feet. He scowled angrily at me and charged, and I blocked his attack, though I couldn't really hold my ground. He was using a lot of strength. I growled under my breath and electricity started popping and crackling around my blade. His eyes widened in surprise. I grinned and forced the electricity into his blade, which acted as a lightning rod and it pumped it into him, shocking him rather violently. He shouted in pain and jumped backwards. I didn't even know I could do that without releasing Yoso. That was good to know, although definitely not the best circumstance to figure that out. I let it swirl chaotically around my blade, it was harder to control with Yoso sealed, but I wasn't going to release just yet. I had to make sure I either had the upper hand, or I was losing so badly that I needed to release. I preferred the earlier, rather than the latter. I charged him with the electricity tucked in and when our blades met, it exploded and it threw us both backwards in opposite directions. I hadn't been expecting that. The hollow in me called me a fool and shrunk back when Yoso came to the forefront of my mind.

_You have to be more careful. It's a lot more volatile unreleased like that. _Yoso warned me.

I scowled and toned it down on the reiatsu, so it wouldn't explode everywhere again. But again when our blades made contact it went everywhere and the explosion was still violent enough to actually send me into the air.

_You need to be trained to be doing this. You'll have to release for this to be a fair fight at all. You can learn how to control it unreleased later…_

I mentally sighed and stayed up in the air, Justin just glaring hatefully up at me from the ground. I just watched him, waiting for him to do something. Then suddenly I went sailing into a tree and plowed straight through it into the ground. I hissed in pain and got back up to my feet and launched myself back up into the air at him, before getting thrown into the ground again. I just got back up anyways and threw myself back into the air, this time keeping my distance, watching him warily. His expression was unreadable and he just stood there, his hand holding the sword hanging at his side. I lunged at him but he grabbed me by the neck.

"You're an idiot, you can't beat me." He punched me in the nose.

I kicked out at his chest and managed to plant a decent kick. He finally let go of me and I snarled in rage and Yoso released without me realizing it. I started to whip lightning around angrily and shot it at him. He had to use sonido to get out of the way as it went crashing into a tree, setting fire to the tree. Great. I sighed and yanked it back and threw it in his direction again. He dodged it again and this time I whipped it back fast enough to prevent it from doing damage, it came back into my blade, right as I got a hard kick to the side of my head which sent me flying straight into the ground.

I groaned in pain, not registering that my head was bleeding and shot back up into the air, only to get knocked back down again, picked up by my hair and thrown into a tree, which shuddered, and then snapped in half I hit it so hard. I felt intense pain in my back and it felt like some ribs had cracked. I laid on the ground and struggled to breathe, but I forced myself to my feet. It hurt. My whole body had ached, my nose was bleeding, I had blood running into my good eye so I couldn't really see, yet I stepped forward anyway, only to have a figure block me. I froze and didn't look up, I was too scared to. Instead I tried to step around them, only to have their hands lock on my arms, preventing me from moving.

"Saru, enough." Ichigo's voice was hard. I still refused to look at his face. "You're done."

I struggled to break free. "This is my fight. Let go of me."

"No. You're done." He growled and I flinched. "He's gone anyway."

"If you hadn't stepped in I could have had a chance!" Yoso had quietly re sealed herself.

Ichigo's hands slid to my hand gripping my sword and carefully pulled my hand off and stuck her back in the sheath. "You could have died. So you're done."

"Why do you keep saying that?!" I snapped at him and finally looked at his face. It was unreadable.

"You're not going to face him. We'll deal with him." His voice was dangerous sounding and it freaked me out how upset he sounded. "And no I'm not going to let Orihime heal you. You'll go back in your body and the injuries will show up and we'll treat you at the Clinic."

"You're going to let me stay hurt." I stared at him in disbelief.

"If it's going to keep you safe, yes."

My teeth clamped together and I looked away from him without responding.

"I would have gotten here sooner but I had to take your body to the Clinic." His voice got hard. "Let's just go." His voice was harsh as he began to stalk off towards the Clinic. I trailed behind him, my good eye trained on the stiff set of his shoulders. I wasn't guilty, I wanted to take care of this problem. And he didn't want me to, he wanted to take care of it himself. I wasn't surprised. But I was angry that he wasn't going to let Orihime heal my wounds. I would definitely talk him out of that. I was mulling over what I was going to say when I noticed that Orihime was already at the Clinic, along with Chad and Rukia and Renji. I went to staring at the ground, there was no need for an argument now, though we were sure to have one later anyways. I heard someone gasp, I was sure it was Orihime. I looked up as she came running over to me. And without another word she began to heal me. Ichigo made a hiss in anger, but he wasn't going to stop her now. But this didn't mean anything at this point.

"I'll get you guys caught up later. I need to talk to Saru, alone." His voice was flat, dead sounding. I gave Orihime a hug of appreciation for healing me and then we went inside. I flinched and followed him in. He stormed up the stairs and I realized that's probably where both our bodies were. I just watched warily as he stomped into his room and slammed the door. I hurried into my room and fell into my body. I wasn't sure how to approach him with this, I have never seen him this angry at all. So when my door opened and I saw him walk in and silently close it behind him, I flinched. I sat criss cross on one end of my bed and stared out the window.

"Hey." His voice was quieter, less angry. "I had to give myself a minute to let myself cool off…"

I looked at him. He had a carefully controlled neutral expression. I didn't say anything, I didn't know what to say. I wasn't sorry for what I did, I just wanted to get rid of the problem. I just kept my face blank as well.

"You had every right to be angry…I did just go wandering off….exactly what everyone feared…" That realization just occurred to me. So I did have something to apologize for.

"You did scare the crap out of me when I finally got into the bathroom and your body is just lying there, with just a hint of your reiatsu still attached. I didn't know what to think of that, and I nearly panicked, then I felt your reiatsu burst from somewhere far away and I knew you had snuck off to do something. But I wouldn't have guessed that—" He had to stop and take a deep breath, his temper was getting the best of him. "—you would have gone running off to fight that—" String of curse words. "—thing to fight him. I was terrified to see you so weak, your reiatsu shrank so much I thought you were basically dead. I don't know what you were thinking." His voice was tainted with anger again and I could see it clearly in his eyes.

"I thought maybe if…" I started slowly. "I got rid of him we could have a semi normal life. At least for a while. I'm just tired of this crap happening to us all the time. I thought maybe if I handled it everything would be okay…"

"You almost died." His voice was quiet again. "If you would have died, that would have been it for me. I would have lost it. I can't lose you like that."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know…I didn't think it through…"

"That's the thing right there. You didn't think. You didn't think what it would do to those who cared about you if you died."

I stared down at my hands, feeling ashamed now. I hadn't thought about that. "I'm sorry. If I would have thought about that I wouldn't have gone…"

"You should have just told me and we could have dealt with it together. Remember, we do things together."

"I know." I had used those words and then ignored them. What a hypocrite I was. "I'm sorry." That was all I could think of to say. No better defense for what I did. I was all out of words.

"Just promise me that from now on you'll tell me and not go running off." He put his hand under my chin and made me look at him.

"I promise." I said.

"Thank you." He leaned forward and kissed me softly. Then he leaned back and sighed. "Well we never got that pizza."

I snorted. "We can always go back and have some."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm sure we could."

I totally should have seen this coming. It was two weeks since that happened, and our lives seemed to go on without incident. We were back at school, and I was never left alone, not even for a second. Someone always had an eye on me. The only times I was alone was when I went to bed. My emotional outbursts seemed to have disappeared, although we weren't sure if that was good or bad yet. However, the nightmares continued. And they've only gotten worse. I can't ever remember them now, I just woke up in a cold sweat and terrified, not remembering why.

And then this one happened.

_I was wandering through the woods, not sure where I was or where I was going. Only knowing I was searching for someone, someone I'd lost a while back and needed to be found. I couldn't seem to find my way out of these stupid trees. I continued to walk straight in the hopes that I could find my way out. It wasn't working very well. Then I heard a voice behind me and I turned around. It was that Justin guy, and he wasn't alone. Ulquiorra stood by his side. I froze in fear._

_ "So, are you going to make this easier and come with us willingly or not?" Justin's voice didn't sound quite right, it was slightly distorted._

_ "No." I growled. "How many times do I have to tell you that?"_

_ Justin didn't seem to respond, just stared blankly at me. Ulquiorra seemed to begin to change, to morph into something or someone else. What the…? _

_ And then it was Ichigo. He was tied up and his mouth was covered. I stared in horror. Justin turned to him. "This is the price you pay for not coming willingly with us."_

_ He shoved his hand into his chest and ripped out his heart. Ichigo's eyes went dark and the hole stayed open in his chest and he began to hollowfy…_

_ That's when I started screaming._

I was woken up by someone shaking me, and realized I was actually screaming out loud. The dream was fading from my memory now as I stopped thrashing and sat straight up, my heart pounding furiously and I was shaking. Ichigo was looking at me with concern. I couldn't speak for a minute.

"Nightmare?" He asked.

"Yeah. Worst one I've had." I finally said, my voice shaking. "I don't really remember it now though." _Except for the part where you die. _I kept that part to myself.

"Do you think you'll be able to fall back asleep?" Ichigo looked torn about leaving, but he looked like he was going to collapse back into sleep before too long.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be fine, go back to bed."

He turned and walked away, hesitated at the door, and I nearly asked him to stay but the words failed me and he shut the door behind him with a click. I just stared at the door for a few minutes, then rested my head back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling. I knew there was absolutely no way I was going to be able to go back to sleep. Just no way. The lack of sleep was hurting me bad, I was actually falling asleep in class. My grades were spiraling because I would just fall asleep whenever I tried to do homework and I was more and more scatterbrained with each night I didn't get much sleep. And this night wouldn't be different. If I kept this up, I wouldn't be passing my junior year of high school. I needed help. But high school had been the last thing on my mind.

I rolled over and laid face down on the pillow and tried not to think.


End file.
